Letters From Russia
by Xxdazed and confusedxX
Summary: America and Russia become "Pen Pals" durring the Cold War. they aren't very civil with each other at the moment. crack fic with lots of OOCness! hope you enjoy!


**So today in History we started the Cold War and I was tired of listening to our teacher. So to cure my boredom I decided to write letters back and forth between Russia and America. And this was the result! R&R and tell me what you think. This is pure crack just to warn you. ~Katie~ **

**Letters from Russia **

_Dear America,_

_I heard you placed a man on the moon the other day. That was my idea first you backstabbing jerk!_

_Disliking you greatly, _

_Russia _

**Dear Russia, **

**I don't care if it was your idea first. You snooze, you lose**

**Always disliking you more, **

**America **

_Dear America, _

_You are incapable of creating your own ideas. That's why you have a democracy and stole my man on the moon idea! _

_Hating you with the passion of a thousand fiery suns, _

_ Russia _

**Dear Russia, **

**Your communist ideas are stinking up the world. Ha! None of us will ever be one with your "Mother Russia" Well it turns out that my "Borrowed" ideas turned out pretty good seeing as I sent the first man to the moon! **

**Hoping you get the flu**

**America **

_Dear America,_

_At least I'm not cramming my Democratic ideas down other country's throats. Mother Russia will rule the world! You have no idea what you're talking about. _

_Hoping that you get an STD, _

_Russia _

**Dear Russia. **

**Well at least my ideas make sense! You probably don't even know what a democracy is. I'm sending some money along with this letter to send you to rehab! So you can get rid of that vodka drinking problem you have. And by the way you can't call vodka "Russian Water" you'll still get arrested! **

** America**

_Dear America, _

_Thank you for the concern, but I'm sending the money back so you can get a decent chef. By the way, Hamburgers are the most vile, smelly, disgusting thing's I have ever laid eyes on. _

_ Hoping you die in your fast food restaurant, _

_ Russia. _

**Dear Russia, **

**How dare you insult the most delicious thing in the world! YOU FEIND!!! **

**I hope you choke on a pickle, **

** Alfred Almighty! **

_Dear America, _

_Fine I will start calling you by your name. So my first sentence that I will use your name is…Ah hem…Alfred you are an annoying little twat of a country. Go back from where you came from! _

_ Hoping that you jump off a bridge, _

_ Ivan the Tall _

**Dear Ivan, **

**What kind of name is that? Prussia would cry! That is the most awesome name in the history of names! And guess what? Well I'll tell you, you are the twat! **

** Alfred F'ing Jones! **

Dear Alfred,

Watch you language! My sister goes through my mail. F.Y.I I couldn't think of what to say. You caught me off guard you weirdo.

Hoping that your cable doesn't work,

Ivan the Awesome.

**Dear Ivan, **

**I officially hate you!**

** Alfred. **

_Dear Alfred, _

_What no snappy comeback at the end of your letter? Guess what, the feeling is mutual! _

_ Ivan the vodka drinking Commi! _

**Dear Ivan, **

**I have dubbed myself your number one hater. I hate you and your stupid ideas! **

** Alfred **

_Dear Alfred _

_I heard from Francis that you're gay for me. If you're my number one hater than why are you gay for me? IN YOUR FACE_

_ Hate you the most_

_ Ivan_

**Dear Ivan**

**Ha you will never ever have the last snappy comeback! And F.Y.I Gay also means happy, but I am NOT happy for YOU! **

** What now! In YOUR face! **

** Alfred the GREAT! **

_Dear Alfred and Ivan, _

_If you two don't stop fighting there will be pain and suffering. So help me I will get Germany and we will make you. My patience is running thin with the both of you so quit it. Do I make myself clear?_

_Arthur _

Arthur,

You are perfectly clear. See you at the next meeting!

Alfred and Ivan.

**And that is the true reason the Cold War ended. **

**So now my reviews I would like to thank you all for reading my hyper crack of a story! Please review! It would make me happy! **


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